By Yohane Phiri, Freelance Journalist
In what can only be described as an innovative leap into 1984-style governance, the Malawi Communications Regulatory Authority (MACRA) has announced plans to buy an expensive machine to monitor and combat the spread of fake news. Never mind the fact that our hospitals are in shambles, public universities are underfunded, and civil servants are waiting for their overdue paychecks. Clearly, we’ve found our national priority: policing online rumors!
But before this shiny, budget-draining machine whirrs to life, let’s talk about who its first catch should be. Spoiler alert: it’s none other than His Excellency, President Lazarus Chakwera. Yes, Mr. Chakwera, the man who, from his days as Leader of Opposition right up to the moment he secured the presidency, mastered the art of selling dreams, half-truths, and, dare we say, a little sprinkle of fiction to the Malawian people.
Chakwera’s Political Theatre: A Fake News Masterclass
Remember when Chakwera promised to turn Malawi into a land of milk and honey within a year? Oh, how we laughed—until we realized he wasn’t joking. Instead, we got rising inflation, skyrocketing fuel prices, and a chorus of “challenges inherited from the previous government.” Ah yes, the classic plot twist in every political fairy tale. Apparently, fixing a nation is hard work when you spend all your time rewriting history.
And let’s not forget the famous promise to end corruption “from day one.” Fast forward to today, and the Anti-Corruption Bureau is basically a talk show—plenty of discussion, zero results. If there’s a chapter in the fake news manual on how to weaponize hope, Chakwera surely co-authored it.
Why Arrest Chakwera? Because Accountability is Overrated
If MACRA’s machine is serious about identifying misinformation, then Chakwera’s campaign speeches and press statements should light up like a Christmas tree. Perhaps the machine will flag gems like the time he declared Malawi’s economy “on the right track” while the kwacha nose-dived faster than our national football team at AFCON. Or when he assured us that fuel queues were “temporary,” which, in Malawian time, translates to permanent inconvenience.
But who could forget the pièce de résistance: the promise of a “lean government” while appointing more advisors than a Netflix production team needs scriptwriters? If that’s not fake news, what is?
Let’s Cut MACRA Some Slack
In MACRA’s defense, maybe this machine is necessary—after all, how else will they convince Malawians that things are going smoothly? With every headline questioning Chakwera’s leadership, they’ll need a magic wand, and this machine might just be it. Just imagine: instead of addressing the real issues facing Malawians, MACRA can keep busy tracking tweets from unemployed graduates complaining about lack of opportunities.
Maybe the machine will eventually evolve into a national “hope detector” that lets us know when Chakwera’s next promise comes with a some restrictions apply disclaimer.
What Next for MACRA’s Machine?
After arresting Chakwera (the obvious candidate), perhaps MACRA could turn its sights on government press briefings. They should check statements like, “We’re on track to achieve food security” while ADMARC warehouses remain empty and maize prices hit record highs. Or investigate why every budget speech promises miracles but ends up being a eulogy for fiscal responsibility.
In conclusion, if MACRA truly wants to stop the spread of misinformation, they’d do well to start at the top. But something tells me that won’t happen. This machine will likely be used to silence dissent, flagging any social media post daring to criticize the status quo. Meanwhile, Chakwera will continue to tour the country, offering promises wrapped in poetic rhetoric while reality tells a different story.
So, welcome to Malawi, the land where we can’t afford proper healthcare, but we can afford expensive machines to chase lies told by the very people who run the show. What a time to be alive!
